to help you notice the rainbow
by shiksa goddess
Summary: try to have no regrets, even if it's just tonight/ Cam watches Massie dwindle away. Cassie


**So, my first *actual* Clique story. OK. Yeah... um... review please?**

**Disclaimer: The Clique is _so _nawt mine. Ehmagawd.**__

_They told her not to fall for him._

_But she was never one to listen._

&  
>She watched him with Claire, who was so perfect, so desperate, so fucking <em>skinny<em>.  
>There was the problem: <strong>skinny.<strong>

Massie knew she was fit. But it took so much work, so many years of training to keep her slim waistline...slim.

Claire,however, spent no time on her weight and had the body mass of a toothpick.

Cam finds himself in Massie's penthouse 2 years after graduation.

His bloodshot eyes reveal everything, how Claire had left as soon as she found something better.

I didn't know where else to go, he says, smiling sheepishly.

Massie opens her door, because honestly, neither does she.

He doesn't know when he progresses from the leather couch to Massie's bed. But he really doesn't give a shit, because he's fucking her into the matress and she tastes like coffee and rejection.  
>(like him)<p>

He wonders if it's bad that that fills him with hope.

He sips an old Red Bull, the red veins in his eyes still as vivid as ever.

hey, she whispers softly, we ruined my sheets.

She really doesn't care.

He sort of loves this routine, her going to college and him doing whatever the fuck he wanted.

Of course he notices her receding waistline, but nothing occurs to him until he finds her leaning over the porcelain toilet, puking up the square of tofu she'd eaten earlier, and anything else she could get out.

He holds her brassy hair behind her.

why do you do this to yourself?, he asks, knowing the answer.

nothing tastes as good as s-k-i-n-n-y feels.

**(Not even you)**

/

They lie in bed together, but Cam can't feel anything on the other side.

He cries the tears she doesn't hold, green and blue eyes dripping. He felt Massie slipping away, not just from him,but from the world.

"What's wrong with me?" She asks.

Cam smiles, knowing that everything would be some sort of OK.

At least she knew that something wasn't right with her.

&  
>He's eating a steak and she's downing a chocolate SlimFast, eyeing the nutritional value label.<p>

"Stop!" He screams, piercing the silence.

Massie stares at him, vacantly but intent.

"I can't...I can't watch you dwindle away and pretend nothing's going on. You're everything I have! You can't, can't just leave me."

The healthy glow she once had is gone. She continues to stare when he grabs her wrists and sobs.

He notices that even the light behind her eyes is dimming.

"I love you," She whispers.

It makes him cry harder.

&  
>He takes her to Block Industries sometime in the fall. If no one else could help her, her father could.<p>

greets him with a slap on the back and a how-are-you?

"Not good," He whispers, eyes traveling to Massie, who was sitting in a plush leather chair and reading.  
>sets up appointments with therapists, doctors.<p>

"No, I can't wait. It's my _daughter_."

&  
>"Thank you, Cam" She says. She rarely talks to him anymore, but she knows how much he's trying to help her.<br>She still refuses to eat.  
>He calls Dylan, Alicia, Kristen. He can tell Massie's old friends make her happy, but it's not enough.<br>He reaches the last number in her phone.  
>He hesitates to call.<p>

_It's for Massie._

He swallows loudly when she picks up.

"_Hello, Claire. It's Cam."_

&  
>Something about Claire fixes something in Massie.<p>

Maybe it was how kind she was, or how close they were.

All he knows is she gets Massie to take two normal bites out of a hamburger.

Claire leaves Massie with a hug and looks back at Cam in the corner.

"I'm sorry," She says, kissing him on the cheek. She leaves, leaving lost love and broken promises behind her.

Cam turns to Massie. She nods.

"I know"

He doesn't know when she figures it out.

"She left you" She says, the light behind her eyes restored, burning into his blue and green ones.

"Yeah." He stares into a mug of coffee.

" I always was second place." She says, taking a crumb off a cheese danish popping it into her mouth.

"No, Mass, it's not like that." He says, realizing what he'd done.

"No, Cam, it's fine. I get it. The first thing you said when you came over here was that you had nowhere else to go. You still don't. You've lost yourself, and you took me down with you."

He stared at her, astonished.

It was the most she'd said to him in a month.  
>"I'm sorry." She apologizes. "I shouldn't have said that"<br>She leaves without another word, all the appetite she'd gained back suddenly gone.

&  
>She returns in a flurry 8 hours later.<br>She grabs him in a hug and breaks down.  
>"What's wrong?" He asks,running his hands through her hair.<br>"Just make me feel beautiful."  
>"You already were"<br>If only she was one to listen.

&  
>She sinks back down, down, into the world of binging&amp;purging and SlimFast being the only thing she ate.<br>As much as he tries to pull her up, she slips away all too quickly.  
>Someone should've figured out it was only a matter of time until she let go.<p>

&  
>For some reason, sleeping in the bathtub comforts her. The moon shines brightly over her, just like she wants.<br>Cam is banished to the couch once again, but this time he volunteers to do it. Anything that would help Massie, he'd do.  
>He should've noticed how close the medicine cabinet was.<p>

&  
>As abruptly as Cam found himself at Massie's door, he finds himself at her grave.<br>He wonders why he can't cry.  
>The priest sprinkles holy water over the polished wood casket, while her aunt gives some speech about how young she was and how sad she must've been to take her own life.<br>How someone should've seen it coming.  
>Done something.<br>Stopped her.  
>And,unsurprisingly, he blames himself.<p>

&  
>No one who knew her best wanted to say a word, but because it was Massie, they did.<br>Alicia spoke about how half her experiences wouldn't have happened without Massie.  
>Dylan spoke about how hard Massie pushed her to be her best.<br>Claire said something about how much Massie'd meant to her, and how she was thankful for the memories they had.  
>Kristen talked about Massie helping her through hard times.<br>And Cam stood up,looked at everyone that had bothered to come, and told them just how much his life had been changed by Massie Elizabeth Block.  
>And how much he loved her, and would never, ever move on.<p>

&  
>Everyone placed purple roses on the casket and it was lowered into the ground.<br>It was amazing how a girl who'd impacted so much in 20 years could diminish into a stone that said  
><em>Massie Block<em>

_July 1, 1991- May 23,2011_

_Loved forever._

&  
><em>They told her not to fall for him.<em>

_She probably should've listened._


End file.
